THE BALLAD OF HAROLD THE BOLD

Louisa is afraid my cameos of life in Goolma, captured in song, are inappropriate. And so they are. But people love them. Even those the songs are about. Billy Moore is clever enough to see the comedic exaggeration in my ballad in praise of his bovine bovver boys. Harold certainly enjoyed hearing his special song. It is the story about New Year's celebrations from 2 years ago when Harold starred in a dramatic incident when midnight tolled. A very "Goolma" moment.

THE BALLAD OF HAROLD THE BOLD

There’s a story of old about Harold the Bold
Whose pub is of legendary fame
I’ll tell you a story so ghastly and gory
How Harold the Bold got his name

When it comes to carousal and sexual arousal
Harold’s pub’ not the ideal
But if it’s hard drinking and sin without shrinking
His venue has quite the right feel

So it came to pass in that palace of glasses
That Xmas had come and had gone
The regulars had hardly shifted their arses
Before the New Year had been born.

Inspired by grog and how much he could flog
Bold Harold was flushed with good cheer
He decided he’d shout all the drinkers about
To keep them as patrons all year.

But try as he may with something to say
He just couldn’t make himself heard
So he jumped on the bar and held up his arm
To give his good patrons the word.

No sooner had Bold Harold stood in his place
Than he was struck down by a blow
A treacherous ceiling fan launched him in space
And hurtled him deep down below.

To the floor of the bar where the sharp objects are
Fell the soft head of our host
He bled from a cut on his arm they said, but
It was his soft head that bled most.

Unseen by the mob which was sodden with grog
Poor Harold lay injured and bleeding
Only one person was sober for certain
And saw what poor Harold was needing.

She bandaged his arm and raised the alarm
By making an ambulance call
Ands one to the priest just in case he deceased
If the ambulance made it at all.

It is said that the party was jolly and hearty
With many a thought for Bold Harold
Who was sent to hospital not by his fall
But his stop when he dropped like a barrel.

His generous attempt to shout us prevented
By ceiling fan already mentioned
History would have been made, he intended
But for divine intervention.

Where the strong beer is sold the legend is told
How Harold the Bold was sent reeling
And they gather each night in the hope that he might
Fight round two with that fan on the ceiling.

©Michael Kiely 2007